LoSt In BoTh wOrLdS

Well I got this inspiration of writing when I was on the way back to ump when I am sleepless on the 2nd halfway of the journey. Guess must be the homesickness arises once again after 2 weeks of long fun break where basically I am missing KL a lot once again,….all these thinking arises when I met a lot of my old friends either f5 batch friends or f6 batch of friends,…all of them make me feel different compare to the friends I knew in ump,…guess must due to the different ‘channel’ in ump. Channel??? Yup channel as in the topic to talk about, the language used, the ‘clickable’ feel, the understandable terms used and lots more,..i just feel so lost whenever I went back KL and meet my friends and back to ump once again,..it just make me wonder which world I am belong to??? The typical Chinese whom speak mandarin at all time where rarely mingle the Malays??? Or the ‘Bananas’ whom having tough time getting into the environment with either Chinese speaking friends or malay speaking friends (yup malay friends of course),….i am like in both world where I speak mandarin and malay here so often till my English is slacking off in terms of pronunciation, the grammar, the slang and the way I used to speak English. All of these happened when English is the least medium use as a communication language and also if u read any of the previous post that is posted recently since I enter uni, the structure of the sentence become so bad with so many grammatical error,..I was struggling hard to write as well as I can but I just can’t find or think of words which are more meaningful and ‘cool’ to replace certain words which I always used all the time in this blog. I just can’t write the way I used to write in my MUET essays homework given by mdm. Elizabeth in class last time,…I read back few of the essays I wrote for MUET last time and I felt so embarrassed and can’t even find a hole or place to hide my face for writing such a poor essay or writing for both my blog post and my technical English subject,….i just wonder if BANANA like me is more suffering than those really PURE BANANA since I can speak mandarin but not fluent and in order to mingle around with the typical Chinese friends here, I got no choice but to follow their native language and barely can find BANANA who speak English with me since we all in different faculty with different timetable and busy period. So, we barely will bump to each other. Besides, I guess they had been practicing speaking mandarin more than English just like I do and I wonder if they feel the same like I do, struggling in both worlds. TYPICAL CHINESE WORLD and BANANA WORLD,…not forgetting the MALAY WORLD. Before I end, just a short statement of why can’t I just reply or speak English with either world since it is an international language where everyone knew??? Well you can just imagine if you are speaking English like a ‘mat saleh’ to these TYPICAL CHINESE or TYPICAL MALAY , they all will not even bother to reply you as they will labelled the English speaking person as so called ‘high class’ people where they are too far to mingle with,…I was like??? Wth??? Where is the muhibah now??? Why can’t these typical people just like KL ppl where English always as the main language to be used when all 3 races are together. The biggest example would be Azrin’s Raya Open House where all races came to his house and ya there are Malays whom speak Malay and Chinese whom speak Chinese but when come to the real communication everyone is speaking English and some Malays honestly can speak English better than I do,…those are my secondary school (st. john’s institution) friends where we were exposed with English language more actually than any other language,…gosh I miss these friends so much where the Chinese friends whom from Chinese schools also speak English at all time when needed. Ok ok I am dragging again,..lastly, I am not criticising on any races here just my relief towards my life in ump with new batch of friends….till then


CK ;-p