You will be sorely missed, my friend

Goodbye my friend,...

You will be sorely missed, my friend

Chee Kien

爱情， 友情

pRioRiTiSe yOuRseLf FiRsT To pRoTeCt ThAt ChiLd

Yes, as the title said so, pRioRiTiSe yOuRseLf FiRsT

I was always harsh on myself growing up.

Trying this childhood picture method to help myself acknowledge my self-worth or to make decision in life.

This picture is my one of my favourite childhood pictures. 

A good one to reinforce myself with this thought.

"I was once good too. I deserved happiness too just like this child deserved happiness."

Make decision not for yourself but for this child of yourself.

Not to put safety/happiness/needs of other people's (especially random people) > child of yourself.

Imagine yourself as that child to defend yourself.

So protect that child.

CK ^.^

10 yEaRs oR MoRe,...

Yup, it has been 10 years since my last post here.

It is also marked I had been in Singapore more than 10 years.

To be exact, it had passed 10.5 years. 

With coming August 2024, it will be going to be 11 years.

Well, I am back here again. I guess this will be my place to express my thoughts and blog about my journey of my life be it for the past 10 years, present or <the future>.

Probably will start with some flashback from the day or year that I step into this Little Red Dot land or Lion City known as Singapore.

CK ^.^

Shyuan's B'dAy DinneR

Just another day of weekend celebrating Shyuan's bday @ Bibigo NEX instead of my mom's one since I am not in KL this time and year.

Anyway,...

~~~Happy Birthday Shyuan!!!~~~



CK

A LonG FrOzEn HeArt~~~

It's been a while since I last blogged. Never thought this blog is not longer highlighting my journey of life,  but a place to relieve my thoughts and be myself here.

This thoughts of relieve began 3 years back when I had my longest semester break during my university years. Back then after a bad encounter in my second year, I knew in order to achieve my goal and what I want, I gotta stay focus. To stay focus, I decided to turn myself into a new leave. A person I thought I am gonna be for the rest of the life to strike for success. A person who locked and frozen his heart from having any feeling of pain and sorrow as to move on in life.

Soon with blessing by my side, I slowly getting close with other courses friends whom fill my heart with warmness,  kindness and happiness. I was touched to seen with my true eyes and feel with my fragile heart. 2 years of happiness past with a blink of an eye.

I am now living and working in Singapore. Where closest friends are not by my side physically. I did get a lot of mental support from them trough messages, but sometimes it is the loneliness is undeniably to be filled. The feeling of lonely eventually triggered my fragile heart and unfrozen the long frozen heart. The pain and sorrow slowly emerges out. This pain and sorrow is affecting towards my performance and focus on my work. I feel bad I once again let myself down and not able to find the energy to fight back. Each day and week I did keep fighting with my best positive energy but that energy doesn't seem last long.

Coming weeks and month gonna be a busy period at work. I am really worry if I could overcome such challenge of work with such condition of heart. Many advised by pampering myself with good food and outing with friends, I would feel better. It might help fill that emptiness for temporary as for me to go further. But deep down in me know that this way doesn't work for long run.

It is like in a situation whether I lift myself up or let go to drown myself in the deep blue sea~~~....

I still wonder~~~

CK @,@

ThOuGhT oF ThE dAy

Been long since I express my thoughts. <Thought of the day>:

Never expect people will know what you are thinking and not to guess others people thinking. What others think does not matter, it is how you think yourself. If you want others to know your thinking, you need express it out.~~~

CK

Are we too busy for a friend?

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
.
.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.
.
.
.
.
.
Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. 'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said: 'Mark talked about you a lot.'

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'

Chuck's wife said, 'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'

'I have mine too,' Marilyn said. 'It's in my diary'

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued：‘I think we all saved our lists'

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

And One Way to Accomplish This Is: Forward this article message on. If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful.

If you've received this article message, it is because someone cares for you, and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.

If you're 'too busy' to take those few minutes right now to forward this article message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?

The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching out to those you care about.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

~May Your Day Be Blessed As Special As You Are~

Your FRIENDSHIP, is very precious to me!

sUppOrT, Is aLL I NeeD!!!~~~

The week I started to struggle and lost in my work life, it is the week I consistently had support from all my loved ones. Support from my family, friends and coursemates. They are the one lifted me up when I was down.

It is just a simple word of encouragement and support>>> Jiayou!!!~~~,…that keeps me moving forward and overcome my fear, obstacles and challenges.

And thanks to this motivation phrase,..

 

It makes me not to give up easily when face challenges and remind myself why I started everything in the beginning at Singapore here. Is time for me to stand up strong and outshine who I was and who I am gonna be!!! ^.^V

I would to express my gratitude to all whom had supported me during this period. Your support is much appreciated!!!

With Love,
CK ^.^

LoSt MoMeNtS @,@!!!

I am lost again!!! @,@!!!

I am in a very lost moment ever since last 2 weeks, 10^th October. A date that marked 12 years since my dad had gone. Every year when this date approaching, I am totally lost and not knowing if what I had decided is right or wrong. What I had decided is really what I want. I wonder if I still had trauma over his leaving that make me to be more strong and independent rather be someone so dependent on others.

For past 2 weeks, I had been going through mental struggle of to leave or stay the challenge to my current condition. I had numerous breakdowns or even in depression mood during the night before sleep. I kept to myself, knowing my family and siblings will not understand what I really going through and why I feel to quit my current work.

Although I knew eventually I might able to go through such obstacle and challenge, but deep down in my heart, I knew that instinct of telling me to go for what I interest and passion in rather than forcing myself in a condition or environment which is I am so uncomfortable in. I somehow knew God and my dad trying to send message to me to overcome it and be stronger. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” right?

Still I will not give up trying what I want to venture in rather than sitting not doing anything to change my life I want it to be. I believe with determination and faith in my hand, I can shape my own life and story instead of others telling me what to do and to become!!! May luck be by my side and blessed be by God and dad,…

CK  @,@!!!

JoB SaTisFaCtIoN

Without realising 1 month had passed. Was satisfied with the job, but yet to discover more by,.. <identify my talent> <positive attitude> <passion in work> <a sense of purpose> <the right job of role> <self awareness & motivation>,..to keep going in my work!!! ~~~ ^.^


CK ^.^

cOuNtInG DoWn ThE dAyS (StArT oF S'PoRe LiFe)

Counting down the days>>>9 days to go & I'm leaving home again,...Gonna be homesick again~~~

CK

DoNe & DuSteD!!!

4 Years of hard work in my uni life, didn't expect to have that much of notes and books after completed my degree. Marked the end of my study life, and the beginning of my working life. Gear up for job hunting~~~!!!

CK

VIVA was over!!!

Finally had completed my VIVA (FYP Presentation) on Monday!!!

 

<A presentation that I long waited, eager and looking forward.>

 

I supposed to feel relief and relax after such critical presentation of mine in this final semester. But I kinda felt a bit down and disappointed. Guess luck was not by my side, so I feel not satisfied with my presentation performance. First, thanks to “magic” from coordinator that I need to present on first day (Monday) morning session. Secondly, on the day itself, my laptop was unable to connect to the projector, so I can’t use the new presentation software to present.  Then, with Monday Blue in the morning, the lecturers mood doesn’t seem so good with one panel is pregnant lecture. So here goes the “shooting” moment to the first 3 presenters from both lecturers whereas, me and my PSM-mate got slight “shooting” from the pregnant lecturer only after them. That moment I finished presenting, I felt like crap and break down although I did a video in the presentation doesn’t seem to be useful enough to handle the panel (pregnant lecture).

 

It took me 2 days to recover from the break down, but now I am ready for new challenge. I am ready to prepare myself for one final battle in my university life (My LAST FINAL Exam)!!!

 

FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS!!!

 

As saying,…..

P.S:

Anyhow, I would still express my greatest gratitude to my supervisor, Madam Wafty for her unconditional guidance and support throughout this 1 year of FYP period. Your kind attention is much appreciated also!!!

CK (志堅)

~Touching story of a married couple~

A story of a husband sending off his pregnant wife to take bus back to her hometown

"Once on boarding time, the wife got into the bus, sitting near by the window seat. Her tears started to drop from her eyes when she saw her husband waiting patiently for the bus departure, to ensure she is safely depart in his own eyes. Her tears dropped even more when she could not do anything but sitting in the bus waiting for the bus to depart. Looking through the window, seeing her husband standing by the bus stop but couldn't talk to him, hurts even more. It is the feeling of so close yet so far. They can see each other but could not talk to each other. All they can is sign language that they both understand in each other, separated by a sheet of window glass in between until one moment, the husband texted her (comforting text I think). Once she received the text, the smile in her face clearly took over her tears drop earlier. The wife then insisted her husband to leave the place and do not  need to wait until the bus departs since it is quite insecure for him to wait around the bus stop area with many snatch thief cases happened in the past at the area. The husband on the other hand also insisted but to stay and wait as he can't leave her alone in the bus before the departure. All he did is move away from her eye sight but still waits there. And just few minutes later, finally the bus departs. When the bus start moving the wife could still see her husband still waiting there. She was even more touch, she stares into her husband eyes as the bus moves. Although it was short stares in the eyes between them two, but it is the meaning in it. The stares of a wife telling her husband how much she will miss him and she will be waiting for him in hometown which is the period near her pregnancy due period to see him again....."

 

P.S: This is real life story of a married couple as foreseen when I was waiting at bus stop for bus back to university.  

by;
CK

 

~Thought of Doubts!!!~

I didn’t expect I would be writing this post a thought in my mind that been struggling and conflicting for the past few months. Ever since I was young, I was bliss to have grandma, aunt and my cousins to pamper me since I am the youngest among the cousin siblings. At the age 7, my whole life entirely changed. I never knew that the decision of my dad to move me back to KL had changed my life completely. Without his decision, I wouldn’t be in the government primary school studying Malay language as primary language for all the subjects instead of in the Chinese primary school. With my dad leaving before he could even see my achievement in UPSR result, it is another turning point in my life. I made up my decision to enter English cluster school that shape my life and defined me of who I am now. I never knew entering such top school with my second achievement in my PMR result can impact me so much!!!! The leadership and social skills gained from this school that leads to me now, to where I am now. Without all these achievements or experiences, I wouldn’t come this far until tertiary education, my current university and course I am studying now.  I was, I am still doing well in my study and skills achievement that I need as graduate engineer for the working world.

But at some point, I still doubt myself. Not only the doubt in me, but doubt of where I am now that would make my parents proud of.  Knowing my dad who lack of education since young, he would definitely be proud of my education level now. But to my mom, I am currently feeling lost. One moment I am feeling the love from her taking good care of me. But another moment, I feel so insecure with the lack of support or the support that never been expressed out by her makes me feel if I am doing it the right way. It seems like everything I did or said to her is meaningless and nothing special to her. The hard work I been doing for my study, my family, my home and my life seem useless to her eyes.  Sometimes, like I feel she never seems to appreciate all my hard work. My brother on the hand, never seem to put much effort to the family in the early years make me envy and jealous of his life and mom’s treatment to him. Mom always been treating brother like a prince of the house, fulfilling every request from him since young, and never been nagging him for not helping out in the family. It is a total opposite treatment to me. Why my mom needs to be so hard to me? Why she can be so unfair? Why I am always the one need to help out with chores and obeys everything said in the family? With much freedom given fairly to both of us, I still not feeling the freedom with the limitation given by mom compares to my brother. It is like he just can be and do anything, limitless freedom, but to me, I still have limitation in being or doing what I want. Even when we were infants in her womb, there is a huge difference in us. My brother been getting the good nutrients whereas I am only getting daily nasi lemak for nutrient. How can there is such a difference in us? We both are her children, but the treatment, the sickness (cataract and skin sensitive since young, glaucoma in recent years) where my brother is completely flawless and healthy and evens the look is so different!!! My brother and I are completely of two different looks. If we walk out to the public, any strangers could not even recognize us as brothers. With all these, I have this silly thought of me, and my brother is not biological related or even worst, I am thinking I might be adopted son. I don’t know why; I would have such thought. But it is really these doubts in me that bugged my mind over recent months.  I wonder when these thought of doubts in me will be clear!? I just hope what I think in my mind would not be a reality and if it is true, I wonder how myself would be handle it!? ~LOST!!!~

CK @,@!!!