mY cHiLdHoOd nEgLeCtEd

Reflecting on my childhood years where how neglected I was by my surrounding.

Being a single family where my father passed away when I was twelve. I grew up into my teenage and adulthood without a father figure. At the same time, my mom who is a single mom had to raise two children where my elder brother is at his most rebellious and the society called back that 'most not useful person', so she focused most of her time, attention and resources to my elder brother to lift him up.

On the other hand, where me myself being seen as the obedient child who consider do fine academically is put aside without any form of support especially emotional support for growth. Sometimes, I even I had absorb the chaos and emotions from my mom as she was struggling to survive. She has no other channel but me. Not my elder brother but me. Worst still, I was taking up the role like secondary lead of the family to take care of the household matters as my mom worked to earn the income.

So after so many years even until adulthood now, the same of treatment and support I still received from my mom still the same although my elder brother had so called become successful. When I still struggle to build myself well unlike others who might already had well career and relationship, I still don't receive much support or help from my mom. I struggled so much with my career and relationship that only I realised my inner childhood is crying for help so loudly and it collapsed my entire soul, mind and body system to function well as an adult.

Slowly I realised I need to stop tolerating to such treatment. It's because I knew I should not play victim anymore. I realised I need to have refusal no to keep carrying all these adult problems that I did not create. For years and decades, I am the child in such a toxic family that is expected to absorb the chaos, manage emotions I did not caused and grew up magically fix it all. But yeah, I had already became the villain, ungrateful , difficult and the problem one in my family's eye.

I should stop chasing for validation I am never going to get any more and start giving it to myself. Thus, breaking the cycle in the family through estrangement boundarie.

It's time to really keep reminding myself that "I deserve better!!!".

#empowerment #toxicfamily #breakthecycle

mY bIrThDaY CeLeBrAtIoN ‘24

One of the facebook post

Thank you Ken Chew

Birthday Celebration

#birthdaycelebration

#orchard

#桃苑

You will be sorely missed, my friend

Goodbye my friend,...

You will be sorely missed, my friend

Chee Kien

爱情， 友情

pRioRiTiSe yOuRseLf FiRsT To pRoTeCt ThAt ChiLd

Yes, as the title said so, pRioRiTiSe yOuRseLf FiRsT

I was always harsh on myself growing up.

Trying this childhood picture method to help myself acknowledge my self-worth or to make decision in life.

This picture is my one of my favourite childhood pictures. 

A good one to reinforce myself with this thought.

"I was once good too. I deserved happiness too just like this child deserved happiness."

Make decision not for yourself but for this child of yourself.

Not to put safety/happiness/needs of other people's (especially random people) > child of yourself.

Imagine yourself as that child to defend yourself.

So protect that child.

CK ^.^

10 yEaRs oR MoRe,...

Yup, it has been 10 years since my last post here.

It is also marked I had been in Singapore more than 10 years.

To be exact, it had passed 10.5 years. 

With coming August 2024, it will be going to be 11 years.

Well, I am back here again. I guess this will be my place to express my thoughts and blog about my journey of my life be it for the past 10 years, present or <the future>.

Probably will start with some flashback from the day or year that I step into this Little Red Dot land or Lion City known as Singapore.

CK ^.^