It's been a while since I last blogged. Never thought this
blog is not longer highlighting my journey of life, but a place to
relieve my thoughts and be myself here.
This thoughts of relieve began 3 years back when I had my
longest semester break during my university years. Back then after a bad
encounter in my second year, I knew in order to achieve my goal and
what I want, I gotta stay focus. To stay focus, I decided to turn
myself into a new leave. A person I thought I am gonna be for the rest
of the life to strike for success. A person who locked and frozen his
heart from having any feeling of pain and sorrow as to move on in life.
Soon with blessing by my side, I slowly getting close with
other courses friends whom fill my heart with warmness, kindness and
happiness. I was touched to seen with my true eyes and feel with my
fragile heart. 2 years of happiness past with a blink of an eye.
I am now living and working in Singapore. Where closest
friends are not by my side physically. I did get a lot of mental support
from them trough messages, but sometimes it is the loneliness is
undeniably to be filled. The feeling of lonely eventually triggered my
fragile heart and unfrozen the long frozen heart. The pain and sorrow
slowly emerges out. This pain and sorrow is affecting towards my
performance and focus on my work. I feel bad I once again let myself
down and not able to find the energy to fight back. Each day and week I
did keep fighting with my best positive energy but that energy doesn't
seem last long.
Coming weeks and month gonna be a busy period at work. I am
really worry if I could overcome such challenge of work with such
condition of heart. Many advised by pampering myself with good food and
outing with friends, I would feel better. It might help fill that
emptiness for temporary as for me to go further. But deep down in me
know that this way doesn't work for long run.
It is like in a situation whether I lift myself up or let go to drown myself in the deep blue sea~~~....
I still wonder~~~
CK @,@
